Caffeine lowers Consciousness

Caffeine lowers the level of conscious awareness.  In some cases that's a good thing.  Not always though.  Caffeine inhibits creative thinking.  So far this year, I average about one cup of coffee a week.  When I fix coffee at work, I make cocoa-coffee since my office is stocked with Swiss Miss packets and bad tasting coffee.  I started this trend because coffee was just as readily available as hot water, and the flavors blend well.  Now I've cut back to half coffee, have hot water with my cocoa, and it tastes about the same.

Lately, I've been trying to up my work output.  I tried doing this before by increasing my overall energy level through healthy diet, regular exercise, and the occasional extra nap.  However, the stress at work is too overwhelming for natural cures.  A couple weeks ago, I tried to jump start my Monday with two full-blast cocoa coffees.  Not only did that make me nauseous and cranky, but it also kicked off another polyphasic sleep trial.  The trial didn't last since I don't drink caffeine when I follow that schedule.  The lack of sleep eventually counteracts the motivation that inspires it.  That, and I run out of things to do at night since I am not very creative during those hours.  This week I tried half-coffee cocoa, and the headaches and nausea returned.

The benefit I get from caffeine is a couple hours of mindless drone mode in which I can do really boring tasks without being annoyed by how annoyingly boring they are.  Even after the euphoria is gone, and I'm left with headaches that make me want to tear people's heads off, I am still in mindless drone mode due to the inertia of having done the same thing all morning.  This makes task switching very difficult.  Meetings are also not a good idea at this time because I'm more likely to tune everyone out and keep doing whatever I was already doing.  I get really impatient with people for stopping me and treat them like imbeciles for asking me questions so ridiculously obvious that I can explain it in one cynical, sarcastic response.  If I have more coffee after lunch, it doesn't usually give any more energy, but it does make me more nauseous and cranky.  By the end of the day, I am really rude and callous which causes problems with socializing with friends and family.

When I was going to college for my computer science degree, I was seriously addicted to Mountain Dew.  There was a vending machine in the computer science department which had a whole row of the green-bottled go-juice.  In fact, one of my classes (Database with Relational Algebra) was so stressful due to tests that would take upwards of seven hours to complete, I would come in early with a two-liter of Mountain Dew to study, and by the end of the day, I would have finished that and had one or two twenty ounce bottles from the vending machine.  Hmm, how much of that class do I remember?  Not a lot.  I also did really terrible in all my other classes because I was too tired to do the homework or study.

It had not really occurred to me until after going for several months with minimal caffeine that using caffeine to further my career only creates a codependent link between a successful career and bad health.

Clearing mental cobwebs

In order to move forward, it helps to have a clear mind.  Sometimes old memories can snag current perceptions, causing me to become distracted as though I were trying to remember something I was supposed to do.  A quick 15 to 20 minute conscious meditation can clear the fog by sorting through old memories, goals, dreams, and wishful thinking.

Start by taking a few moments to let your mind wander.  If you are feeling very stressed out, it's likely that you will find something to annoy you soon enough.  When you do, hold the aggravating thought in your mind.  While holding onto this problem thought, let go of your reality and give all control to your imagination.  Now anything is possible, and stress does not exist here.  Don't try to treat the problem with a real world solution.  You can imagine the worst possibility, and then follow that up with a miraculous recovery.  Remember, this doesn't have to be realistic.  It's a subconscious way of letting go of the anger that holds the problem to you.  When you let go of the irritation of the problem, even for just a split second of imagining, the freedom you find from stress can let in a lot of energy that will help you solve it for real later.

I've tried the type of meditation where I clear my mind of all thoughts.  I usually get sleepy or bored.  I find guided meditations are more relaxing and invigorating.  Sometimes I get recurring dreams about some old memory that I thought I had dealt with.  By reliving the memory in a more lucid state, I can finish what my dreaming mind started and get some lasting closure on old doubts or worries which are no longer relevant.  I'm still clearing my mind, but in a controlled manner that helps organize the clutter.

Lately I have been trying to think of another 30-day trial activity to do that will help me the most, but I'm still coasting on the invigorating energy I have gained from my transition to Primal Blueprint.  Clearing out some mental cobwebs helps me from sinking back into old patterns and keep my momentum going in a positive direction.  I have a tendency to want to start 500 different things at once, so meditation is a good way to filter out distraction and pace myself.  If I do this enough, I might even be able to find mental peace and quiet one day.

Has your groundhog seen a shadow?

I would say that this Groundhog day, I saw my financial shadow looming over me.  I have been following a plan of break-neck speed to pay off my student loans.  It finally occurred to me that if I hold back some of that cash for personal projects I can benefit greatly from learning and accomplishing new things instead of just waiting out the debt.  By personal projects I mean gardening, building renewable energy systems, and reinvesting in what I have rather than just buying random things like music and movie tickets to pass the time.  I believe that to successfully utilize reinvestment, I have to be professional about how I spend my time and effort.  I am not throwing my time into useless hobbies, but instead investing in health and sustainability practices and sharing the knowledge I gain along the way with others.  Sure I'm delaying my student loan payoff by 14 months, but that's only costing me an extra $300 in interest versus my previous payoff date.  That's less than a dollar a day for a better quality of life!

To aid in my quest for personal growth, I am going to be following Steve Pavlina's guide to creating a business plan.  I could also use a refresher on self-discipline by rereading his series about that.  Following the Primal Blueprint has given me a head start in motivation for homesteading and a thorough work out in self-discipline.  Now that I have given myself permission to reinvest in my life, the only challenge is to decide to spend my time on meaningful action instead of brooding about how much work it's going to be.

Identify the shadows in your life and shed some light on solving problems you have been putting off.  You can't hide from them forever.